Hello, 2017.  It’s so nice to finally meet you.  I’ve heard so much about you that it’s finally nice to put a face with the name.  We have a mutual friend.  Well, I wouldn’t call her a mutual friend; I would call her more of a nasty bitch who wreaked havoc on my husband, my children, stepchildren, friends and me this past April.  She rocked our world inside and out and we’re still reeling from her actions.  I wouldn’t say she’s a friend, and to be honest with you, if you ever bring her back I might have to unfriend you too.

If you talk to her, can you please let her know that aside from the fact that I can’t even stand to look at her, I do want you to thank her for a few things she gave me this year after she took my husband:

  • Clarity:  To me, the moments of clarity I received this year were the most intense moments of my life because it allowed me to see what I’m capable of handling, and what others are capable of NOT handling.
  • Empowerment: The ability to really understand how the decisions I made affected myself and others.  I know my late husband is beaming down on me because I always asked myself what he would do, and made sure I followed through.  Now that the dust has settled from his passing, I find a great deal of empowerment in knowing that I don’t have to ask that question anymore.  Because it’s not about what he would do anymore. It’s how I want to live with some of the guidance that he gave me, but it’s ultimately up to me what I will do at this point and that feeling is tremendous.
  • Grace: If I look back at my life before my husband’s passing I didn’t have a lot of this.  I feel it was a true gift from God, and 2016 allowed me to fill my heart with the grace I needed to get through the most challenging year of my life.  By allowing grace into your heart, you can understand that you can’t change people, only how you react to them.  When my husband passed the behaviors and actions of people around me were sometimes so shocking that I wanted to have a nervous breakdown because I couldn’t understand why people could be so callous, selfish and heartless during the worst time of my life.  But grace allowed me to focus my energy on the people who were kind, tender and always there to listen or lend a helping hand.  They were an extension of what I wanted to be and what made me happy so I used their strengths to cope with other’s weakness.  There is a quote by Mother Theresa that sums it all up for me:

mother-teresa

 

2017, I am really looking forward to getting to know you.  I hear that you are going to do great things for me.  I also hear that you’re going to allow me to let go of the things I cannot change, and because of that I’ll be a much happier person.  A little birdie told me that you wanted me to know that it’s okay to move on and never feel guilty for wanting to be happy again.  I also hear that you want me to know that it doesn’t matter what people think; I have focused enough on making sure everybody else was happy during this difficult time in my life and you want me to focus on me a little more.  I like your way of thinking and I truly believe that you and I will be great friends.  Welcome to my world.  Are you ready for me because I am sure ready for you!